Today is the last day of March, a month I could have done without. Actually I'd like to be done with all of 2006 & 2007 at this point! Here is a brief run-down of my last 13 months...
Starting with my Stepfather Lloyd
Carhart passing away after a long illness, two months later I began having problems with the eyesight in my right eye. After a month of almost daily doctors appointments a mass was found behind my left eye during an MRI. I'd had an MRI previously due to headaches and the tumor hadn't been seen by the radiologist reading the films :-(
A new round of doctors appointments followed, this time with Specialists up in Boston, MA. In August Dr. Peter Black,
Chief of
Neurosurgery at Brigham & Women's Hospital performed a left frontal
craniotomy to remove the
meningioma that was sitting on the back of my left orbit. The 4 to 5 hour surgery ended up being 9+ hours. They had a hard time keeping me breathing and my heart beating after the surgery. I will never forget waking up to my Mom and Frank hitting my feet saying "Breathe Susan, Breathe". I remember being annoyed at them since all I wanted to do was sleep and lay still. Every now and then I would hear them telling me to breath and feel them banging on my feet and when I'd open my eyes briefly I would see not only the two of them but also a number of Doctors and nurses hovering around and staring at me. I ended up spending an extra 3 days in ICU.
When I was released from the hospital I went to stay at my Mom's house in
Forestdale (actually a part of Sandwich, on Cape Cod). My Grandmother, Louise Kelsey, also was staying at Mom's so that I would not be alone when Mom went shopping or eventually back to work. I was surprised at how much better I felt the first week after the
craniotomy compared to the abdominal surgery that I'd had in 2005. After the first couple of days I would get into the back of my Mom's Chevrolet Tracker with a blanket and a couple of pillows (I wasn't allowed in the front seat for 6 weeks due to the passenger side airbags which could be fatal to me if they deployed into my head). Everyday the three of us would go to the
Dunkin Donuts at
Tradewind's Plaza on Route 130 and then bring the donuts and beverages to the Cape Cod Canal and sit watching the boats going out into Cape Cod Bay. A number of times we would drive around the Cape going past places that we had lived and reminiscing. After about 4 weeks I went back home. I had been missing my "doggy kids" horribly and for about 24 hours I was so-o-o happy! Then something happened...all of a sudden my mouth went very dry and I turned in my chair to get up and go into the kitchen for a glass of water. Before I could put weight on my feet to stand I had a very warm feeling come across my head, starting at the back near my neck and going right
over my forehead. My body went very weak and it felt like if I even said a word I was going to pass out. It took all my energy to stay awake and not to hit the floor - everything is the room seemed to be swimming around! Frank was looking at me curiously and all I could manage was to put my index finger up, like I was saying "just a minute". I sat like that for about an hour before I felt well enough to be brought over to the day bed we had set up in the living room. I eventually fell asleep and when I woke the next day I felt like I had been run over by a train! In addition to the weakness I was a bit confused, my jaw would only open up wide enough to put my little finger between my teeth, and my gums were so inflamed that they were swollen over my teeth in places. A few hours later I was at Jordan Hospital in Plymouth and then
transferred by ambulance back to Brigham and Women's. After 5 days they found that I had
inflamed nerve endings in my jaw and gums and had suffered from some sort of setback, either cause by focal
seizures or mini strokes. I had a number of these episodes over the coming weeks and had to deal with some
cognitive issues. When I was released from the hospital I went to stay with my Grandmother since my Mom had to go back to work full time, but Mom drove from Plymouth to
Mattapoisett (about 45 minutes) almost every day after work and then to her house in
Forestdale (another 40
minutes). We spent many wonderful days sitting on the beach looking across
Mattapoisett Harbor towards
Falmouth and Martha's Vineyard.
I eventually came home in October. Once again I was so happy and thankful to be home. The day after I came home we lost one of our Gordon kids to an embolism. One week to the day later we lost our 20 year old cat to old age, thankfully he just went to sleep and never woke up. Bart had been the first pet that Frank and I had gotten together so his passing was very hard for us.
In November I was still having a lot of problems with double vision and blurred vision in my left eye. After an
ophthalmic ultrasound a tumor was found near the site of the original. Was it a new tumor? Was it a bit of the first tumor? Is it the same type of tumor? After two more
MRIs we don't know the answer, but are monitoring it. My next MRI is in May.
December saw my brother and family (Jen, Stephen and Sean) coming north from their home in Williams, Arizona for Christmas. We had a nice time with the family all together since my Dad, Kris and Kimberly were also able to come north from Arlington, VA. On the medical front, after an EEG I was told that the brain waves were showing "spikes", similar to
pre seizure activity. Unfortunately our insurance wouldn't cover the cost of the $400.00 per month pills that were prescribed to me.
January came in cold, although thankfully we didn't have much snow this year. Since a few weeks after my surgery I had been noticing a bit of pain in my back that worsened by October and November. I was now in constant pain throughout my back, shoulders and hips. I felt like I was 90 years old at times. The first week of February came in very cold and windy with temps between 5 to 0 degrees and lower wind-chills. The weather was cold and dreary and so was our hearts when we lost one of our older
Gordons suddenly to cancer. One week later one of our Nubian goats died in a freak accident. When I couldn't find him Frank and I spent hours looking with spot lights throughout the 200 acres of woods surrounding our house, thinking that maybe a coyote had gotten him. As I came back to the house to thaw my hands I saw him in the back yard dead. This was getting a bit much for me to deal with and I mentioned to my mother that I hope there isn't another death since they usually seem to come in threes.
About ten days later, after being in constant pain for about 6 months, I finally knew what was going on with me when my orthopedic doctor and my primary care doctor told me I had
fibromyalgia, triggered by the
craniotomy. This also explained the jaw and gum pain and some of the cognitive issues that had started in September they explained.
Two days after that I was talking to my Mom as I did every day. She was going to take her records to the accountant to get her taxes done. We talked about going to a Hunt Test that was coming up, something we had done together for a number of years. Even Lloyd, who hadn't been a dog lover before he met my Mom, had enjoyed going to the Hunt Tests to watch the Gordon Setter Grand-dogs. Mom said" Well I guess I have to go now" and we ended the call. Fifteen minutes later my brother called me and told me that Mom had just been killed in a car crash...I don't know if it still has really hit me that she is gone. We talked every day, she had rearranged her schedule to drive me up to Boston for all my doctors appointments and was helping me with the
cognitive problems that I had since the surgery. I NEED HER! I'm so scared to be without her. In many ways, as those closest to me know, she was my lifeline and she always supported me in anything I wanted to do.
Throughout the last year there have also been people in the Setter world who have decided to kick me when I have been down by spreading the most vile, malicious rumors that I can imagine. Due to the
Internet and email lists I have been tried and convicted without being given the opportunity to defend myself. It is especially hurtful because it is all lies. I try to look to the fact that people who prey upon someone when they are at their lowest point are the lowest sort of scum that exists and I am thankful for my true friends who have stood by me even when they were also accosted and branded guilty by their association with me. This and a spiraling depression brought on by the events of the last 13 months are what have contributed to my being lax in updating this blog.
And now after all that has transpired I find myself starting a new blog -
Justice For Diane . I am appalled that the man who I've been told murdered my mother due to his negligence will only get about 2.5 years, if they are able to convict him. The days grow warmer as we head into April but they seem so empty. I am afraid of what the future will bring.......